Okay, so maybe I should have named this blog the shittest parts about being a young mum. Because I’m sure it isn’t just teen mums who go through this. I know I still do and I’m no longer a ‘teen mum’. I often get asked if I miss my life before my daughter, which is a big fat NO. I know people find this hard to believe. Why would I rather change shitty nappies, go to parks instead of clubs and wake up early on weekends? When I could be out dancing, drinking and being ’free’ without having to ADULT so young.
To be honest I don’t know the answer to that. But I can say with all my heart I would choose being a mother over it all. I don’t feel as though I’ve missed out on anything. I had my fun, then I moved on to a more fulfilling and rewarding lifestyle for myself. I was more than ready to give it all up and more to be a mother. That wasn’t the hard part about being a young mum, but I’ll tell you what was!
Self-doubt, not the doubt others so blatantly hand to you on a golden platter. But the doubt you have for yourself. I didn’t doubt that I would be a good mum; I knew I would be from the start. I didn’t doubt I wouldn’t be able to give my child everything she would need, because I knew I would find a way. I doubted I wouldn’t be able to give my child all she would want. Everything I thought she would deserve. The fancy clothes, expensive toys, regular holidays, everyday outings, the big house and spacious yard I’ve always wanted for my children. That’s what I doubted, every day.
It was hard. It’s hard to want so much for your child when you can only give them so little. It’s hard to compare yourself to parents who can provide that for their children when you’re so far off it. Although we don’t have it all right now, we absolutely smash parenthood without it. We do our best. We do plan on having it ‘all’ in the future, but for me we make it work.
Feeling like you don’t belong, anywhere…This one was hard to get a grip of. You’re on a different level to almost everyone. While this is totally okay, it’s really hard to get used to. Your young friends from school are still going out every weekend getting drunk and partying, they’re not even thinking of babies. Your older mum friends have their lives together; they’re back at work now, building houses and smashing life. Both of these lifestyles are awesome and there’s no right or wrong way. But I did find it hard to fit in with either groups.
I’d easily find myself being isolated and alone, and sometimes I almost preferred it that way. I did struggle with finding the balance, being able to listen to my friends’ drunken weekend out and boy troubles while I tell them about my daughter shitting in the bath last night and not eating her breakfast for the third day in a row. This isn’t anyone’s fault, its so easy for friendships to drift. It took me a while to learn that even though I was at completely different stage in my life compared to everyone else, that it didn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends.
Judgment, oh the judgement! Honestly, I can’t even fathom how people have the confidence to speak their mind to a complete hormonal, tired, pregnant stranger! The judgement from our family was bad (but understandable, I mean hello I was 18, in year 12, earning $80 a week at a fish and chip shop LOL). The judgement from some friends were hurtful (but also understandable, it would have been hard for them too). But the judgement from a stranger? AH, no thank you.
This was honestly one of the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. My labour (in which I almost died) was almost as painful as these little fuckers speaking their minds and explaining their utter disgust in me. (Okay maybe that was a little dramatic, but you get the point!).
The comments I got on the daily bases from strangers, store workers, students and even one of my teachers was honestly the WORST thing about being a teen mum. The fact that people can even judge how someone is going to parent because of their age, doesn’t even make sense. I still get a few glares every now and then walking down the street with my daughter, but nothing like when I was pregnant. Just be kind, I know the stereotype on young mums isn’t good, but some of us are really trying our best.
Who’s to say every 30 year old mother is good and every young mum is crap? If you see a young mother or pregnant girl walking down the street, give her a big ass smile and tell her she’s doing great, instead of being an A-hole.
So, I could literally go on and on about what I struggled with being a young mum, because it wasn’t/isn’t easy.
The guilt, the doubt, the judgement, the expectations, the rumours. It’s all hard. But dropping my ‘old life’ 100% wasn’t the hard part! I don’t miss that lifestyle and I sure as hell wouldn’t change it!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog. I would love to know if any of you young mums can relate!?
Love Loz, xxx